no vacancy

is there enough room anywhere?
i’m searching for a home in anyone I know
and honestly that isn’t the way it should go.
trust me.
it doesnt work
and usually hurts
but my fantasies are always ready to create
a life that never existed
but something to excite my mind.
create an escape.
until the escape becomes the source of pain.

is there enough room anywhere?
i’m just looking to be cared for
better yet.. adored
i just want something more.

is there enough room anywhere?
for me.
simply.
to.
be?

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You never left.

too stressed to rest, I’d realize as I got undressed.
your eyes, never quite impressed but you’ll settle for second best, I guess. forever searching for what’s next to digest the regret that you never actually address.

projections

He finally got inside of me.
I became necrotic.
Is that what you call erotic?
Haven’t heard from him since..
Is how I’m feeling neurotic?
Decaying my mind and clinging to lies
But the problem was never me,
It was the lack of depth you had inside

..projections.

2013

I miss you
And the phantoms of the kisses you’ve left on my lips.
And the shadow of all the hand prints
Left from on my body from your grip.
With your lustful touch,
And your gentle fuck,
The ways you made my body swoon;
Ecstatic rifts that filled the room,
floating from the twin sized matress on your floor.
Out through the cracks of the bedroom door.
But before I allowed myself to adore,
As you slept,
I got dressed,
And out I’d sneak once more.

bursting

theres a sadness welling inside of me that disguises itself as apathy.
I always remember that I can never truly trust.
every ounce of unabashed love I’ve ever harbored has begun to rust.
I’m covered in dust that I brush off by laughter, but I’m unable to reach the ever-darkening corners in the room that is my consciousness.. that continues to spread as if it were mold. It eats at me gradually, leaving a residual pain accompanied with every fond memory.
is it maniacal laughter or an attempt to stuff away the pain?
Is it silliness or is it an escape?

(un)mesmerized

Lost in the lies
And the spark of your eyes
I failed to realize that you were never the prize
but something of my reprive and I despise the drive that led me to chase
That led me to fantasize
and to waste..
My life on hope

And when I’m finally ready to let go
Ready to be set free
You tip-toe candidly
like the gentle flicker of the flame in my heart that has died down to a kindle
with words, “We were meant to be,”
but with subtext that read
“Only momentarily…”
That I glazed over in the bliss of your essence
you finally fed me your attention, gave me your pressence
I’m in HEAVEN!
But not after long would it die down to neglection,
and it took me too long to realize that your love is only an infection.

I was caught in a cycle of give and take
but my heart was never yours to break
and it was my MISTAKE
for letting you in..
when deep down I knew exactly the intentions you held within.

Sometimes when it’s been so long since you’ve loved,
you figure that the highs and lows are similar to a drug,
and its a rite of passage we must all trudge through
to get to that happy ending we were meant to.
But alas,

I’m over you.