no vacancy

is there enough room anywhere?
i’m searching for a home in anyone I know
and honestly that isn’t the way it should go.
trust me.
it doesnt work
and usually hurts
but my fantasies are always ready to create
a life that never existed
but something to excite my mind.
create an escape.
until the escape becomes the source of pain.

is there enough room anywhere?
i’m just looking to be cared for
better yet.. adored
i just want something more.

is there enough room anywhere?
for me.
simply.
to.
be?

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who am I?

At once I feel whole and anew.
At once I feel like everything that I thought I once knew.
Wholeness.
Its been a feeling that’s been hard to come by when youre scrambling to piece together the crumbles of what you once called your life.
But this is pivotal.
A redo.
A blank slate; tablua rasa; a take-two.
I’m changing,
I’m awaiting
I can only imagine the things I am capable to do
Untethered.
That’s been the theme of my journey.
The single word mantra I’ve chanted to myself whenever I’ve been in a worry.
Manifesting.
It’s a strange thing.
Because it never feels direct.
Just go with the flow and see what life brings you next.
Yet, it seems, all my wishes come true..
But what they don’t tell you is that your wishes dont complete you.

2013

I miss you
And the phantoms of the kisses you’ve left on my lips.
And the shadow of all the hand prints
Left from on my body from your grip.
With your lustful touch,
And your gentle fuck,
The ways you made my body swoon;
Ecstatic rifts that filled the room,
floating from the twin sized matress on your floor.
Out through the cracks of the bedroom door.
But before I allowed myself to adore,
As you slept,
I got dressed,
And out I’d sneak once more.

bursting

theres a sadness welling inside of me that disguises itself as apathy.
I always remember that I can never truly trust.
every ounce of unabashed love I’ve ever harbored has begun to rust.
I’m covered in dust that I brush off by laughter, but I’m unable to reach the ever-darkening corners in the room that is my consciousness.. that continues to spread as if it were mold. It eats at me gradually, leaving a residual pain accompanied with every fond memory.
is it maniacal laughter or an attempt to stuff away the pain?
Is it silliness or is it an escape?