who am I?

At once I feel whole and anew.
At once I feel like everything that I thought I once knew.
Wholeness.
Its been a feeling that’s been hard to come by when youre scrambling to piece together the crumbles of what you once called your life.
But this is pivotal.
A redo.
A blank slate; tablua rasa; a take-two.
I’m changing,
I’m awaiting
I can only imagine the things I am capable to do
Untethered.
That’s been the theme of my journey.
The single word mantra I’ve chanted to myself whenever I’ve been in a worry.
Manifesting.
It’s a strange thing.
Because it never feels direct.
Just go with the flow and see what life brings you next.
Yet, it seems, all my wishes come true..
But what they don’t tell you is that your wishes dont complete you.
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bursting

theres a sadness welling inside of me that disguises itself as apathy.
I always remember that I can never truly trust.
every ounce of unabashed love I’ve ever harbored has begun to rust.
I’m covered in dust that I brush off by laughter, but I’m unable to reach the ever-darkening corners in the room that is my consciousness.. that continues to spread as if it were mold. It eats at me gradually, leaving a residual pain accompanied with every fond memory.
is it maniacal laughter or an attempt to stuff away the pain?
Is it silliness or is it an escape?

freedom isn’t what you give me

I carry anger from the blood that flows within me;

I carry anger from my ancestors who kept quiet so their children could breathe

I’m full of generations of rage

My blood

Forcibly nomadic

Yet still in a cage

We are from the land of the sun and stars

Deceitful people who laid the foundation for how we live today tore us apart

We weeped crossing the sea to an unsure destiny

They try to say our people owned people in their same cruel ways

But what they left out is that we never kept our brethren slaves until the end of days.. 

we didn’t brutalize people in these dehumanizing ways

The mental circus, the linguistic maze they would go through just to save their face.
My blood from the sea was carried south

From the land of the sun to dying in drought

Not from lack of water

But from the relentless heat

While we built this nation with our bare feet

But remaining calm so maybe our children will make it out
One day they’ll say

“You’re free”

Get the hell out of this place

Because you’re no longer beneficial to me
From the south to the snow, my blood would go

Trying to chase what little they could salvage, 

and escape Jim Crowe
They said we could build our lives because now we have this chance

Despite locking us up and enslaving us, under a new lance

And insisting time and time again that separate is equal
We rose, we spoke; 

We marched, we choked

None of that was good enough for you white folk

We got organized, to make ourselves free

Feeding our youth, providing our own industries

We picked up guns

Put your asses on the run
You came back with laws

And infiltrated us with drugs

At night you came in the hoods

And when we made our own riches

You left our homes smoldered in the mud.
You say it’s over now.

That its all good

I carry the rage from 300 years

Is that not understood

 

Our very society has been made from this mess

But you come and cherry pick what’s been left

Sure, we set the standard of capital and industry

But don’t leave out the standard of how you view me

I carry the rage that’s been handed down my blood

I carry the rage from living in a land that’s never given us love

How can I be free

If that’s what someone has to tell me?