numbing

Hands as soft as the fragility of your ego
You compensate by making every woman whom you encounter feel disposable.
Erasable
God forbid you actually show yourself
your goals.
What makes you whole
Or what would feel that hole inside of you
That you desprately try to fill
with women and substances that make you ill.

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Jan 20, 2017

I slept all daybecause I care about myself
I slept all day
because I value my internal wealth
catch me any day of the week
shouting.
and.
screaming.
But today I have relaxed my nerves
I’ll need them for what has yet to emerge
I wasn’t at no woman’s march 
those things have never been for me
women’s movement have always been a pedistal for feminine white supremacy.
I don’t have time for well meaning allies;
holding my arms, calling me strong while they cry.
My blackness — supposedly an impenetrable armor.
meant to shield people from knowing that sometimes I want to die.
I must be ornamental yet uphold our men-
and hold my chagrin from their disdainful side eye.
When I speak,
I’m angry.
When I’m silent,
I’m weak
I don’t feel like it today;
I’m 
going.
back.
to.
sleep.