where are you?

looking for love hurts.
And I know people say that love just comes,
but quite honestly I feel cursed.
For the longest I’ve been lively, laxed, and lethargic
with the furthest desire to become coupled
but lately i’ve just realized I don’t want to face the next chapter of my life alone.
I want to find a home in someone.
since god knows i’ve given up in finding that in a physical space;
I’m always displaced.

I want to fill my heart with intimacy,
I want to remember the way your chest rises when you breathe as I lay myself to sleep.
I want to remember your smell when I’m not doing well,
I want you to be around, to hold all the secrets that I’m not supposed to tell.
To smile up at you, and stare into your eyes,
thinking about the things you’d do between my thighs.
To decompress together, as we lay restless planning out next list of how we’re going to wreck the next project we put our fists into
because alone we are powerful, but together unstoppable
I want to listen to you go on about your hobbies as a learn them myself so I can find myself in a sense of shared pleasure.
I want to know what makes you light,
so you can always add to the fire that I hold inside.

Intimacy.

I don’t know who you are.
And at this point, I doubt you exist.
But if I could be catered to by you, it’d be my only wish.

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i left everything alone because I want to be in love.