she’s not chill, she’s normalized abuse
The men in my family call me bitter as if it’s a disease and not a symptom.
Looking at you as the sun sets
Lust filled eyes and a barrel of regrets.
What I see back isn’t you
But my longing for what’s best.
I. chase. your. eyes.
As they reflect the sun setting west.
hold me tight.
never let go.
suffocate me right–
until my body goes cold.
may your warm bones give me releif
from all of your meticulous mental greif.
Build me a new home
in the deceitful lies you throw.
Kiss me when I try to leave
yet plead for my love on the phone.
call me weak when I weep;
abuse is all I’ve ever known.
I slept all daybecause I care about myself
I slept all day
because I value my internal wealth
catch me any day of the week
But today I have relaxed my nerves
I’ll need them for what has yet to emerge
I wasn’t at no woman’s march
those things have never been for me
women’s movement have always been a pedistal for feminine white supremacy.
I don’t have time for well meaning allies;
holding my arms, calling me strong while they cry.
My blackness — supposedly an impenetrable armor.
meant to shield people from knowing that sometimes I want to die.
I must be ornamental yet uphold our men-
and hold my chagrin from their disdainful side eye.
When I speak,
When I’m silent,
I don’t feel like it today;
I carry anger from the blood that flows within me;
I carry anger from my ancestors who kept quiet so their children could breathe
I’m full of generations of rage
Yet still in a cage
We are from the land of the sun and stars
Deceitful people who laid the foundation for how we live today tore us apart
We weeped crossing the sea to an unsure destiny
They try to say our people owned people in their same cruel ways
But what they left out is that we never kept our brethren slaves until the end of days..
we didn’t brutalize people in these dehumanizing ways
The mental circus, the linguistic maze they would go through just to save their face.
My blood from the sea was carried south
From the land of the sun to dying in drought
Not from lack of water
But from the relentless heat
While we built this nation with our bare feet
But remaining calm so maybe our children will make it out
One day they’ll say
Get the hell out of this place
Because you’re no longer beneficial to me
From the south to the snow, my blood would go
Trying to chase what little they could salvage,
and escape Jim Crowe
They said we could build our lives because now we have this chance
Despite locking us up and enslaving us, under a new lance
And insisting time and time again that separate is equal
We rose, we spoke;
We marched, we choked
None of that was good enough for you white folk
We got organized, to make ourselves free
Feeding our youth, providing our own industries
We picked up guns
Put your asses on the run
You came back with laws
And infiltrated us with drugs
At night you came in the hoods
And when we made our own riches
You left our homes smoldered in the mud.
You say it’s over now.
That its all good
I carry the rage from 300 years
Is that not understood
Our very society has been made from this mess
But you come and cherry pick what’s been left
Sure, we set the standard of capital and industry
But don’t leave out the standard of how you view me
I carry the rage that’s been handed down my blood
I carry the rage from living in a land that’s never given us love
How can I be free
If that’s what someone has to tell me?