wow

I’m so powerful lately and the change of pace feels like a rise to grace.

I’ve finally processed and learned from my mistakes and I have come to face the patterns that I’ve been tracing over and over again, deep rugged ridges in my skin.

But like I’ve said back then, never again.

It’s my time to win.

where are you?

looking for love hurts.
And I know people say that love just comes,
but quite honestly I feel cursed.
For the longest I’ve been lively, laxed, and lethargic
with the furthest desire to become coupled
but lately i’ve just realized I don’t want to face the next chapter of my life alone.
I want to find a home in someone.
since god knows i’ve given up in finding that in a physical space;
I’m always displaced.

I want to fill my heart with intimacy,
I want to remember the way your chest rises when you breathe as I lay myself to sleep.
I want to remember your smell when I’m not doing well,
I want you to be around, to hold all the secrets that I’m not supposed to tell.
To smile up at you, and stare into your eyes,
thinking about the things you’d do between my thighs.
To decompress together, as we lay restless planning out next list of how we’re going to wreck the next project we put our fists into
because alone we are powerful, but together unstoppable
I want to listen to you go on about your hobbies as a learn them myself so I can find myself in a sense of shared pleasure.
I want to know what makes you light,
so you can always add to the fire that I hold inside.

Intimacy.

I don’t know who you are.
And at this point, I doubt you exist.
But if I could be catered to by you, it’d be my only wish.

no vacancy

is there enough room anywhere?
i’m searching for a home in anyone I know
and honestly that isn’t the way it should go.
trust me.
it doesnt work
and usually hurts
but my fantasies are always ready to create
a life that never existed
but something to excite my mind.
create an escape.
until the escape becomes the source of pain.

is there enough room anywhere?
i’m just looking to be cared for
better yet.. adored
i just want something more.

is there enough room anywhere?
for me.
simply.
to.
be?

.

I feel you inside of me screaming,
inhibiting my breathing.
Your movements have me wheezing and I’m seizing at the thought of losing you.
I’m cheesing at the memories of what we’ve been through,
but it’s true.
I’m new to this,
maybe.
The silence; pregnant pauses in between flowing thoughts that line our talks like a steady weaving.
But I’m afraid to start believing that this could be something meaningful.
Because I know you’re meaning well,
but I’ve been meaning to tell you how overwhelmed I feel,
with the warmth you’ve provided me.
I’m afraid to know if it’s real.